Plywood, OSB, MDF, and Masonite

I don’t do construction. In fact, the physical world sometimes baffles me (electricity is magic to me). But I know the difference between plywood, oriented strand board (OSB), medium density fiberboard (MDF), and masonite. I know that this is the order in which these types of boards are the densest and I have a working idea of how that affects the ways in which they need to be handled and can best be used in construction. This is information that in my daily life would be normally fairly useless to me. However, my having this information is actually vitally important to my relationship.

My boyfriend is in construction and these are the basic types of boards he regularly uses. He also likes to tell me about his day and the work that he does. When he tells me that he had to move 6 sheets of MDF that day, I know that he did some heavy lifting. I know what kind of dust he dealt with when he cut the wood. I know that most likely he worked in a space that is going to remain fairly dry (MDF is one of the wood products least noble to water). I know that he will probably be working with paint, instead of stain, soon (there is no wood grain in MDF, so stain really wouldn’t look good). As a consequence of all of this, I also know what type of questions to ask that will allow him to expand upon his day and how what he did today was important.

I often get clients who work in very different occupations than their partners. Many of them cannot explain the facets of their partner’s occupational life, or they have partners that cannot explain the facets of my clients’ occupational lives. They tend not to understand what the likely challenges are and what would qualify as a success in their partner’s field. They end up shut out of an important aspect of each other’s lives. They miss opportunities to understand the struggles that their partner might be experiencing at work and fail to be in a position to offer quality support or counsel.

Frequently, in these relationships I hear of larger communication problems, feelings of not being connected to one’s partner, or feelings of not being appreciated or validated. I also work with a lot of clients who are dealing with infidelity and affairs in their relationships. I do not think this is just a coincidence. I have found that becoming interested in the occupational life of your partner is actually likely to improve your relationship.

By not just listening to your partner when he or she talks about work, but actually learning about your partner’s world of work, you become more connected and you validate as meaningful the work that your partner does. Go beyond “how was your day?” When you receive the answer to that ask a follow up question. You can start by asking simple questions, along the lines of “what is that?” Allow your partner to educate you about what he or she does, who and what he or she does it with, and why what he or she does is important or how it fits into a larger mission. Ideally, your level of interest would become one in which you could ask meaningful questions and interpretations of what specific events mean when your partner shares them with you. What are the plywood, OSB, MDF, and masonite of your partner’s occupational life?